About Major Keys

“Major Keys has been the world’s leading news publication even before the printing press was invented.” -Abe Lincoln Jr. III (1679).

Since its inception in 1438, Major Keys has produced articles and breaking news with local, national and international coverage. Major Keys articles are frequently quoted in research publications, white papers and scholarly articles.

Due to its insanely valuable content, Major Keys has amazed 9.1 trillion readers all over the world (except in Cambodia for some reason).  Several Major Keys authors have received the Pulitzer Prize for their contributions to our site.

Major Keys is fully vegan and made out of materials that were not previously tested on animals. A Major Keys article is evergreen, which means it can be recycled and re-shared on social media without the fear of public shame.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

Who owns Major Keys?

Major Keys is fully owned and operated by Young Slacker Media.

Is this type of content allowed?

The First Amendment protects satire as a form of free speech and expression.

What do the Keys mean?

Read what the Keys stand for here.

Who are the people that you mention in your articles?

All the names are made up, except in the case when talking about a public figure. Any coincidence is simply, uhm, coincidental.

Why satire?

Why not?

Who writes these articles?

Our writers include Chuck Norris, Muhammad Ali, J.K. Rowling, and many more. If you want to write for us, sign up here.

What’s your privacy policy?

Not even us have fully read our own privacy policy, but based on what our team of 337 lawyers told us, it allows us to sell all your information to the North Korean Government in exchange for 2lbs of Kimchi or something like that (depends on the exchange rate).

I want to advertise on this site. How do I do it?

Finally a good question. Hit us up via email: partners@majorkeys.us