By Sierra Jackson
Updated: 8:09 PST on Sunday, March 5, 2017
As you embark on a journey to commandeer the globe, you take for granted something that was not always an accessible and contemporary technology: air travel. Do you ever get into an airplane and you’re about to take off, but get a dark sensation of trepidation that drops like a pit in your stomach, and you know something isn’t right? Not all of us feel uneasy about flying in airplanes, but you know it when you do. However, what really can make you feel this sense of consternation from being inside a protected metal cylinder with trained pilots? For many, it’s the feeling of being isolated and sequestered into a claustrophobic space with strangers surrounding them. Suppose that it’s Christmas Day 2009, a day in itself that makes travelers uneasy. Imagine that you’re in Schiphol, Amsterdam in one of the busiest airports about to take off on Christmas Day 2009, and about to experience one of the longest flights of your life. One of the longest flights of your life, but ironically almost the shortest.
Northwest Flight 253 took off from Amsterdam Schiphol International Airport set to arrive in Detroit, Michigan on this very date on December 25, 2009. A man who had moved from Nigeria to Yemen by happenstance, while abandoning his studies had a concerning agenda for the course of his life. He was about to board this plane, destined for the United States. When most people board airplanes with pets, they make sure to check the pets into the checked luggage and put them in a transport container. This man however, brought his pet onto the airplane – his favorite extremely explosive substance denoted as Pentaerythritol Tetranitrate (PET-N). He had traveled to Yemen from Nigeria without the consent of his father to become an al-Qaeda terrorist, and this was his debut into the art of taking down a commercial jet with 290 people on board. He managed to smuggle PET-N through Schiphol’s full body scanners, by clandestinely containing it inside of his underwear. Ironically, he also snuck a syringe onto the plane (used to mix the PET-N with a catalyst to initiate the reaction), claiming that it was for medical purposes. Right before the flight was about to land in Detroit, he went into the bathroom and mixed the catalysts together in his syringe very slowly. However, it was a difficult feat to accomplish the detonation with the lack of heat inside of the airplane.
After accomplishing this successfully, he returns to his seat which is right next to the engine – anticipating to detonate his state-of-the-art explosive. He injected the liquid mixture he concocted into the PET-N and to his dismay, it didn’t detonate, at all. In addition to this, his bomb didn’t come as a surprise because passengers started to catch on to the smoke forming in the cabin – and declared a state of emergency. A man jumped over the seat and strangled the terrorist to prevent him from pulling any other fancy moves, and he was contained. All of the passengers didn’t believe that they would see the next minute. They feared for their lives, and the lives of their friends, family, and strangers aboard the flight. The outcome of this fiasco was that the man who detonated this “bomb” was an absolute freaking imbecile because he didn’t even use the proper amount. It’s also very insulting to engineers to think that only a trivial amount of PET-N would blow up the airplane, because airplanes are built robustly by professionals. A simulation to prove his bitch ass came later when Boeing decided to implant a crash dummy in a plane similar to the flight with just the fuselage and the amount of PET-N he used when trying to detonate the airplane. Surprisingly or not surprisingly depending on who you ask, the PET-N attached to the crash dummy was detonated and the fuselage didn’t even obliterate, it just expanded, as expected. The worst that would have happened is the person sitting next to the imbecile would have been blown to smithereens as expected, but the rest of the passengers would survive and the plane would remain intact. This is why you don’t a) let imbeciles onto airplanes 2) give them the responsibility of killing people when they don’t know how to do it and 3) forget to pray. Amen.
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